The Art Of Making Lemonade

It was Christmas Eve 2020. I was sitting on the couch with my gaze fixed on the phone screen, waiting for it to ring. Quite frankly, that had been my state for the several days leading to that. What I was waiting for so impatiently was a phone call from our loan officer, telling us that our loan is approved. We had to be out of our house in just a week and yet the approval of our loan for the new house was getting delayed. Every second of that delay felt like a day. In the midst of holidays, preparing for a move while having to adjust to virtual school, imagine the strain my family and I were going through. Not to mention the pressure from the seller.

Then the phone rang. When I heard the loan officer’s tone of voice I knew he didn’t carry the message we were hoping for. In a somber voice he apologetically told me that the loan wasn’t going through because of some discrepancy that could have been avoided. Mind you, this was at the 11th hour, 5 days past our original closing date.

What would you have done at that moment if you were in my spot? Would you get furious? Would you yell at the loan officer for not having done his job right? Would you immediately get stressed out because of all the possible consequences? Would you start calling everyone in the family and telling them the bad news?

As you can recognize, this is a classic example of life giving you a lemon, or in other words an event, a situation or a circumstance that you do not want. Our lives are filled with those. There is not a person in this world that isn’t being handed down lemons daily, or at least pretty regularly. The difference in the quality of our lives lies in how we handle these lemons, how we react to them.

Most of us react in anger, frustration and resistance. We look for things and people to blame, complain about our bad luck, fall into a victim mentality. Why, then, are we surprised about having a stressful life? What else can we expect when this is our reaction to adversities?

Fortunately, this is not our only choice. The friendly and loving universe has given us tools, in fact a mighty powerful juice maker that has the ability to make lemonade out of every lemon we get handed. It is our will, our free will. It is the will that allows us to step back and make a conscious choice in every situation instead of going with automatic instincts. Our will is our biggest differential from all other living species that are bound by their pre-programmed fight or flight responses and instincts.

Now let’s look at a few useful techniques we can use by exercising our will when faced with adversity.

The 10 Pillars of Gratitude. When a situation or an event arises that puts you in a state of worry about the outcome, you can use these powerful 10 pillars. They are rather simple. Instead of starting the chain of worrisome thoughts, which is the default reaction, write down 10 things you are grateful for about that particular situation. No matter how bad it seems, every single event includes seeds of goodness in it. Spark your mind into the search for what is good in that event. Don’t stop until you have 10 positives. Not only does this exercise reduce or eliminate your worries, but oftentimes it brings you the solution. I can still see the back page of my notebook scribbled with red ink, containing 10 pillars of gratitude about one of the most challenging real estate transactions in my career. And guess what? They brought about the solution!

Reject the Obvious. The obvious is not always what it appears to be. When you are handed down a seeming adversity, do not accept it at its face value. Reject it instead, and write down your ideal version of the same event. When I got the news of my dad’s 3rd heart attack and cardiac arrest, just 7 days prior to our long awaited family Carribean cruise, I didn’t start to worry about the “obvious” expectation of the outcome. I wrote down: “My dad has fully recovered; this heart attack has made him stronger; he has lived for at least another 10 years; we still went on our cruise.” While we didn’t get to go on that cruise, all other statements turned out to be right, even though they weren’t “the obvious” at the time. Still pretty good outcome, don’t you think?

Help Someone Else. There is something profoundly mystical about this strategy and yet it works. When faced with a problem, look for someone else who either has a similar or a worse problem. Immediately act selflessly and try helping them resolve their issues. Somehow this brings about a solution to your problem, or at the very least, yours doesn’t seem as bad of a problem anymore.

Surrender It All. Unquestionably, there will be times when you have tried everything, you have scavenged for all the possible avenues out of the situation and yet nothing seems to work. This is frequently the case with a sickness or death of our loved ones, or events concerning others that we simply can’t change for them. That is the time to completely surrender the outcome. Stop the resistance to what is. Remember, that this does not mean giving up. It rather means passing the responsibility on to The One that is all-powerful, The One who sees the whole picture instead of the little fragments that we see in our own little view. Surrender with full faith, and peace will descend upon you. In fact, if you learn to live your life in surrender, you will never be handed another lemon. When the juice maker is constantly on, the lemons go right through them without ever bothering you.

Back to Christmas Eve 2020. When the loan officer finished telling me the news, in the calmest voice possible I asked him what the possible solutions were. First, he was shocked by my reaction, or rather non-reaction. Maybe he was expecting a tirade of fury and he was quite stressed. But hearing no panic in my voice he gave me 2 possible workarounds, both seemingly less appealing than the original plan. As soon as we hung up, I didn’t call my wife to tell her about the “bad” news. Instead, I wrote down both solutions, analyzed them and ruled out one altogether. Next, I opened my gratitude journal and started writing down all the things that I was thankful for regarding that situation.I was still typing when the loan officer called back and with an excitement in his voice said “We are back in the game, brother!”. At the end, this turn of events not only worked out, but it saved us thousands of dollars that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise. And now, I’m writing this article sitting in the living room of our new dream home, marveling at the power of our God given free will. I hope that you too start making conscious use of your free will today!